The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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