Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize