the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
