Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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