Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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