im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
