11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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