I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
