i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
