no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
