we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
