Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
