Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
