Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
