take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
