You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We're too hungover to prance.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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