I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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