And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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