Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
