All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Damn victory sex feels great
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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