I accidentally burped into my bong.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
