nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize