I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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