I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
