Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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