thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
