i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
