Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
