i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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