It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
