Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
