im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
