If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
