i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize