would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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