why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
