I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize