i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize