I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
