wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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