I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
