There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize