awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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