I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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