yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
