Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
