I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
