The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
