he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
