I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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