my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
