so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize