My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
