I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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