So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
