I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
