I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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