so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
