yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
