OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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