My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
