Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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