It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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