im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
