Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
