Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i need some magic done to my vagina
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize