He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize