The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
