I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize