I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
