last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
