my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
