just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
